Ok Goldie Foxes will you accept this rose? Because I want to talk Bachelor in Paradise. So let’s talk TV.
Once you get past the awkward interactions and make outs, the super cheesy TV lines like “leap of faith”, super sweatiness over perfect beach bods, creepy crab b roll, passive aggressive come ons and calling a partner like musical chairs when the music stops – underneath it all there is some drrraaaaammmaaaaaa while these folks “look for love”!
Drunk crazy Ashley S. 18 tequila “cheers to loving you like a sister” shots with Nick in Paradise. #BringBackMikey. The look on Sam the snakes face after getting caught + when her other love Nick walked in – priceless. Tanner making it official with Jade. + JJ marching out on his much deserved high horse. I’d say it was a good episode!
NOTES // Cast Rundown + MY Thoughts
> Jorge (hor – hay) – the bar tender / therapist is my jam
> JJ – best looking. talks a big game but went from zero to hero real quick in my book
> Joe – the worst human being alive (love the snake in the grass reference the entire episode) insecure + selfish + delusional + deserves 0 friends and it looks like he got 0 friends on his birthday. karma. blinded by hot chicks. Not So Happy Birthday Joe!
> Juelia – blinders on. too honest to know a bad guy when she sees one. the fact that she said Joe would make a good father and husband after one date blows my mind. Too soon Juelia – too soon.
> Samantha who? – I’m so over you too. leave already. liar (bros before hoes) could have possibly pooped her pants when Nick walked in and when that camera caught her giving the run down to Joe about their “lie”. child. shady. bad person. source of drama. manipulative. more worried about her image.
> Jared – can’t put my finger on him
> Princess Jasmine Ashley I – ugly crier. drama queen. sister of the booger queen. makes me super awkward. i’m not a girl… not yet a woman.
> Clare – I feel sorry for her crazy and old lady feelings. I feel ya ma’am. jaded. retired.
> Tenley – princess Tenley. loved her and Kiptyn. wish she would have kept the lawyer and not the coal miner but I guess chemistry speaks for itself. wish her the best!
> Dan – the only real man I see on the show
> Tanner + Jade- glad he’s finally speaking up about Joe and Sam. happy Tanner has a girlfriend now!
> Kirk – glad when he got scared he didn’t run. whew. that was a close one. could have gone either way.
> Carly – so cute. love her and Kirk!
> Ashley S. – straight crazy animal lady. nuff said
> Amber – new and I don’t care yet.
> Mikey – #bringbackMikey love him!
> Joshua – I think I believe him. was maybe talking about Molly to impress other cast members. strange tattoos.
> Nick – shorty shorts. too new to know but i’m sure he’s about to cause drama.
> Jonathan – so sorry for you. hate that you had to leave and that Joe made you look like a bad person. you’re a good guy.
Letters to the Cast //
Dear Ashley I.,
I’ll try not to laugh out loud at your cry faces every episode but just know I really can’t help myself. They make me super awk. You resemble a good Kim K cry face.
Dear Ashley S.,
I’ll try not to yell at the TV and everyone around me that you’re the crazy cat lady but if you saw how ABC edited your screen time you’d be saying the same stuff. Tell the birds I said hey.
You are by far the best looking from the poll I just took around the room. I used to think you were a giant douche and just a big talker even though you were still calling Tenley a princess (that was super cute btw). But don’t worry, you just earned your charm card back and deservingly get to ride out on your high horse. So I need to know, did you and your GF get back together? I hope so. Unfortunately according to Tenley’s periscope and twitter everyone is saying no. 🙁
Dear Black Box Butt,
I need your adorable yellow bathing suit! I love neon! I saw on your twitter you said it’s from H&M but no luck finding it. Sigh.
All I know is “I’m here for the right reasons” so believe me when I say “I’m falling for you.” Aaaannnnnd I really want to see Joe go Kentucky CRAZY!
So who’s with me? Wanna keep up and chat BIP (Bachelor in Paradise) with us LIVE during the show tonight and every episode for that matter! Meet us on twitter and #VGBtalksBIP Because this is getting gooooood! Meet us on periscope after the show for a recap and chat!