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#SELFIE! Sparrow Face, the new Duck Face

Duck Face OUT Chirp Face IN

I couldn’t have said it any better if I wrote it myself so I’m going to let Trey take it away.  
As Trey says over at Witty + Pretty…. 

“Hello, blog friends. I would like to address something that is causing me great anxiety and has become the bastard child of social media. Now don’t get me right, I love social media. Twitters, The Facebook, Instantgrams, Youporn–they are all amazing and consume just about 90% of my waking hours. However, with the good comes the bad. A dark side of social media has evolved. And I don’t mean FEM/DOMS on Craigslist; I am talking annoyances such as The Poke, Farmville, #VineAfterDark (please don’t look at that), political rants, #blessed humble brags, potty training posts, and so forth. But there is one granddaddy of them all that sucks mud. I am talking about the offspring of asshole and douchebag: The SELFIE.”

“You know what I’m talking about.  That annoying picture you post of YOURSELF to remind the world just how attractive you are.  Shut the f*cking door. I can’t take it anymore (partially because I am not attractive enough to post a selfie).  Hey, pretty model with the fantastic ass, we get it.  You are pretty.  Thanks.  You don’t have to post your face 45 times a day.  We don’t need to see your cool new necklace that just so happens to sit between your gigantic store-bough and overly spray-tanned tits.  Oh and PS, if you still take mirror shot selfies for your MySpace profile, then quit reading this blog, sell your Buick Enclave, and never reproduce.

Now I know that YOU, cool reader, are not one of those who post a half trillion selfies a day, but I know you have a friend who does. We all do. Mine happens to be a D-list reality star who is so good looking it makes me reconsider gay. I can see him counting his “likes” right now whilst recounting his abs. As far as I know, he doesn’t own a shirt and has never eaten a carb in his life. Oh, and if you follow any promo girls on social media, you feel my selfie-inflicted pain.

To any of my nine readers who do post gazillons of selfies, hear me now. Please head down to the public library and search the card catalog for a book called The Dictionary.  Once you locate said book, look up the word HUMBLE. This will be a foreign word to you, but study it for some time. Also, because I care for you, I am here to help you overcome your selfie addiction. Here are a few guidelines to aid you in your quest to not being such a douche on social media:-It is still a selfie if you are holding a baby animal.-The only place a selfie is acceptable is on Snapchat.-Think of it this way: Does your grandmother post selfies? No. Unless she is a whore.  If so, tell her to Instagram me @furbustrey.

-Calling yourself out in the status of a selfie doesn’t make it ok. Hashtag #selfie doesn’t make it ok. Matter of fact, nothing makes it ok.”

Ever since the selfie phenomenon new looks have come and gone but it’s 2013 people, almost 2014, so cut it out with the duck face!

And if that wasn’t enough Justin Bieber has now capitalized on the Selfie Phenomenon with an app called Shots of Me.  It’s the selfie only sharing app.  Only the front camera can be used and selfies must be taken in-app.  Shots of Me has no comment system to restrict cyberbullying and it’s free.  Check it out HERE.

I’m sorry (no I’m not sorry) but you make me extremely uncomfortable and awkward for YOU when I see you taking selfies.  You are in PUBLIC.  Cut that shit out.  It’s just weird.  And we all know you don’t take just one…. I’m tired of hearing your camera go off.  

Here’s a hint. Be discreet if you must do it, turn the flash off, and silence your phone.  There’s no need to post this endless crap either.  Send it on Snap Chat or to your boo PRIVATELY but your 50+ Facebook friends don’t care.  If only there was a dislike button.

Here are some of the worst of the worst BEST selfies. 

Another one of my fav Atlanta bloggers wrote about the 16 Worst Types of Selfies HERE and it is spot on.  So go check Ashley and Trey out over at Witty + Pretty!

The only one that wasn’t mentioned which you see ALL the time is the “here is where i’m laying out getting all tan / be jealous of my bikini body selfie.”  I can’t take seeing anymore of these.

Spare me.

Feel free to follow my selfie free instagram HERE.
Can’t wait to see all your Sparrow Face selfies using #sparrowfacefi 

*Remember to achieve the coveted “sparrow” look, open your eyes wide and part your mouth slightly, “like you’re a baby bird waiting” for a tasty worm.

To all my selfie loving white girls…. 

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